TPTT The Taming of the Shrew: ACT III
Introduction
INDUCTION
ACT I
ACT II
ACT III
SCENE I. Padua. BAPTISTA'S house.
SCENE II. Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house.
ACT IV
ACT V
About the Play
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SCENE II. Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house.
Enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, KATHARINA, BIANCA, LUCENTIO, and others, attendants
BAPTISTA
      (To TRANIO) Signior Lucentio, this is the
      'pointed day.
      That Katharina and Petruchio should be married,
      And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
5     What will be said? what mockery will it be,
      To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
      To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
      What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?
KATHARINA
      No shame but mine: I must, forsooth, be forced
10    To give my hand opposed against my heart
      Unto a mad-brain rudesby full of spleen;
      Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.
      I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
      Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behavior:
15    And, to be noted for a merry man,
      He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,
      Make feasts, invite friends, and proclaim the banns;
      Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd.
      Now must the world point at poor Katharina,
20    And say, 'Lo, there is mad Petruchio's wife,
      If it would please him come and marry her!'
TRANIO
      Patience, good Katharina, and Baptista too.
      Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
      Whatever fortune stays him from his word:
25    Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;
      Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.
KATHARINA
      Would Katharina had never seen him though!
Exit weeping, followed by BIANCA and others
BAPTISTA
      Go, girl; I cannot blame thee now to weep;
      For such an injury would vex a very saint,
30    Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.
Enter BIONDELLO
BIONDELLO
      Master, master! news, old news, and such news as
      you never heard of!
BAPTISTA
      Is it new and old too? how may that be?
BIONDELLO
      Why, is it not news, to hear of Petruchio's coming?
BAPTISTA
35    Is he come?
BIONDELLO
      Why, no, sir.
BAPTISTA
      What then?
BIONDELLO
      He is coming.
BAPTISTA
      When will he be here?
BIONDELLO
40    When he stands where I am and sees you there.
TRANIO
      But say, what to thine old news?
BIONDELLO
      Why, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old
      jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice turned, a pair
      of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled,
45    another laced, an old rusty sword ta'en out of the
      town-armory, with a broken hilt, and chapeless;
      with two broken points: his horse hipped with an
      old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred;
      besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose
50    in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected
      with the fashions, full of wingdalls, sped with
      spavins, rayed with yellows, past cure of the fives,
      stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the
      bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten;
55    near-legged before and with, a half-chequed bit
      and a head-stall of sheeps leather which, being
      restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been
      often burst and now repaired with knots; one girth
      six time pieced and a woman's crupper of velure,
60    which hath two letters for her name fairly set down
      in studs, and here and there pieced with packthread.
BAPTISTA
      Who comes with him?
BIONDELLO
      O, sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned
      like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a
65    kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red
      and blue list; an old hat and 'the humour of forty
      fancies' pricked in't for a feather: a monster, a
      very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian
      footboy or a gentleman's lackey.
TRANIO
70    'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;
      Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell'd.
BAPTISTA
      I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.
BIONDELLO
      Why, sir, he comes not.
BAPTISTA
      Didst thou not say he comes?
BIONDELLO
75    Who? that Petruchio came?
BAPTISTA
      Ay, that Petruchio came.
BIONDELLO
      No, sir, I say his horse comes, with him on his back.
BAPTISTA
      Why, that's all one.
BIONDELLO
      Nay, by Saint Jamy,
80    I hold you a penny,
      A horse and a man
      Is more than one,
      And yet not many.
Enter PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO
PETRUCHIO
      Come, where be these gallants? who's at home?
BAPTISTA
85    You are welcome, sir.
PETRUCHIO
      And yet I come not well.
BAPTISTA
      And yet you halt not.
TRANIO
      Not so well apparell'd
      As I wish you were.
PETRUCHIO
90    Were it better, I should rush in thus.
      But where is Kate? where is my lovely bride?
      How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown:
      And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
      As if they saw some wondrous monument,
95    Some comet or unusual prodigy?
BAPTISTA
      Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:
      First were we sad, fearing you would not come;
      Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
      Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
100   An eye-sore to our solemn festival!
TRANIO
      And tells us, what occasion of import
      Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,
      And sent you hither so unlike yourself?
PETRUCHIO
      Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear:
105   Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
      Though in some part enforced to digress;
      Which, at more leisure, I will so excuse
      As you shall well be satisfied withal.
      But where is Kate? I stay too long from her:
110   The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.
TRANIO
      See not your bride in these unreverent robes:
      Go to my chamber; Put on clothes of mine.
PETRUCHIO
      Not I, believe me: thus I'll visit her.
BAPTISTA
      But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
PETRUCHIO
115   Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words:
      To me she's married, not unto my clothes:
      Could I repair what she will wear in me,
      As I can change these poor accoutrements,
      'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
120   But what a fool am I to chat with you,
      When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
      And seal the title with a lovely kiss!
Exeunt PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO
TRANIO
      He hath some meaning in his mad attire:
      We will persuade him, be it possible,
125   To put on better ere he go to church.
BAPTISTA
      I'll after him, and see the event of this.
Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and attendants
TRANIO
      But to her love concerneth us to add
      Her father's liking: which to bring to pass,
      As I before unparted to your worship,
130   I am to get a man,--whate'er he be,
      It skills not much. we'll fit him to our turn,--
      And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa;
      And make assurance here in Padua
      Of greater sums than I have promised.
135   So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,
      And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
LUCENTIO
      Were it not that my fellow-school-master
      Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly,
      'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;
140   Which once perform'd, let all the world say no,
      I'll keep mine own, despite of all the world.
TRANIO
      That by degrees we mean to look into,
      And watch our vantage in this business:
      We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,
145   The narrow-prying father, Minola,
      The quaint musician, amorous Licio;
      All for my master's sake, Lucentio.

Re-enter GREMIO

      Signior Gremio, came you from the church?
GREMIO
      As willingly as e'er I came from school.
TRANIO
150   And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?
GREMIO
      A bridegroom say you? 'tis a groom indeed,
      A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
TRANIO
      Curster than she? why, 'tis impossible.
GREMIO
      Why he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
TRANIO
155   Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.
GREMIO
      Tut, she's a lamb, a dove, a fool to him!
      I'll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
      Should ask, if Katharina should be his wife,
      'Ay, by gogs-wouns,' quoth he; and swore so loud,
160   That, all-amazed, the priest let fall the book;
      And, as he stoop'd again to take it up,
      The mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a cuff
      That down fell priest and book and book and priest:
      'Now take them up,' quoth he, 'if any list.'
TRANIO
165   What said the wench when he rose again?
GREMIO
      Trembled and shook; for why, he stamp'd and swore,
      As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
      But after many ceremonies done,
      He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if
170   He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
      After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel
      And threw the sops all in the sexton's face;
      Having no other reason
      But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
175   And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking.
      This done, he took the bride about the neck
      And kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack
      That at the parting all the church did echo:
      And I seeing this came thence for very shame;
180   And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
      Such a mad marriage never was before:
      Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
Music
Re-enter PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, BIANCA, BAPTISTA, HORTENSIO, GRUMIO, and Train
PETRUCHIO
      Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains:
      I know you think to dine with me to-day,
185   And have prepared great store of wedding cheer;
      But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
      And therefore here I mean to take my leave.
BAPTISTA
      Is't possible you will away to-night?
PETRUCHIO
      I must away to-day, before night come:
190   Make it no wonder; if you knew my business,
      You would entreat me rather go than stay.
      And, honest company, I thank you all,
      That have beheld me give away myself
      To this most patient, sweet and virtuous wife:
195   Dine with my father, drink a health to me;
      For I must hence; and farewell to you all.
TRANIO
      Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.
PETRUCHIO
      It may not be.
GREMIO
      Let me entreat you.
PETRUCHIO
200   It cannot be.
KATHARINA
      Let me entreat you.
PETRUCHIO
      I am content.
KATHARINA
      Are you content to stay?
PETRUCHIO
      I am content you shall entreat me stay;
205   But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.
KATHARINA
      Now, if you love me, stay.
PETRUCHIO
      Grumio, my horse.
GRUMIO
      Ay, sir, they be ready: the oats have eaten the horses.
KATHARINA
      Nay, then,
210   Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day;
      No, nor to-morrow, not till I please myself.
      The door is open, sir; there lies your way;
      You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;
      For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself:
215   'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom,
      That take it on you at the first so roundly.
PETRUCHIO
      O Kate, content thee; prithee, be not angry.
KATHARINA
      I will be angry: what hast thou to do?
      Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.
GREMIO
220   Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.
KATARINA
      Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner:
      I see a woman may be made a fool,
      If she had not a spirit to resist.
PETRUCHIO
      They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
225   Obey the bride, you that attend on her;
      Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
      Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
      Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves:
      But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
230   Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;
      I will be master of what is mine own:
      She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
      My household stuff, my field, my barn,
      My horse, my ox, my ass, my any thing;
235   And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;
      I'll bring mine action on the proudest he
      That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
      Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves;
      Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
240   Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch
      thee, Kate:
      I'll buckler thee against a million.
Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, and GRUMIO
BAPTISTA
      Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.
GREMIO
      Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.
TRANIO
245   Of all mad matches never was the like.
LUCENTIO
      Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister?
BIANCA
      That, being mad herself, she's madly mated.
GREMIO
      I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
BAPTISTA
      Neighbours and friends, though bride and
250   bridegroom wants
      For to supply the places at the table,
      You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
      Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's place:
      And let Bianca take her sister's room.
TRANIO
255   Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?
BAPTISTA
      She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go.
Exeunt
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