TPTT Much Ado about Nothing: ACT V
Introduction
ACT I
ACT II
ACT III
ACT IV
ACT V
SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house.
SCENE II. LEONATO'S garden.
SCENE III. A church.
SCENE IV. A room in LEONATO'S house.
About the Play
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SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house.
Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO
ANTONIO
      If you go on thus, you will kill yourself:
      And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief
      Against yourself.
LEONATO
      I pray thee, cease thy counsel,
5     Which falls into mine ears as profitless
      As water in a sieve: give not me counsel;
      Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
      But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.
      Bring me a father that so loved his child,
10    Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine,
      And bid him speak of patience;
      Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine
      And let it answer every strain for strain,
      As thus for thus and such a grief for such,
15    In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:
      If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
      Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem!' when he should groan,
      Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk
      With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me,
20    And I of him will gather patience.
      But there is no such man: for, brother, men
      Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
      Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it,
      Their counsel turns to passion, which before
25    Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
      Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
      Charm ache with air and agony with words:
      No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience
      To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
30    But no man's virtue nor sufficiency
      To be so moral when he shall endure
      The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel:
      My griefs cry louder than advertisement.
ANTONIO
      Therein do men from children nothing differ.
LEONATO
35    I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood;
      For there was never yet philosopher
      That could endure the toothache patiently,
      However they have writ the style of gods
      And made a push at chance and sufferance.
ANTONIO
40    Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;
      Make those that do offend you suffer too.
LEONATO
      There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do so.
      My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;
      And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince
45    And all of them that thus dishonour her.
ANTONIO
      Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.
Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO
DON PEDRO
      Good den, good den.
CLAUDIO
      Good day to both of you.
LEONATO
      Hear you. my lords,--
DON PEDRO
50    We have some haste, Leonato.
LEONATO
      Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord:
      Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.
DON PEDRO
      Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
ANTONIO
      If he could right himself with quarreling,
55    Some of us would lie low.
CLAUDIO
      Who wrongs him?
LEONATO
      Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:--
      Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;
      I fear thee not.
CLAUDIO
60    Marry, beshrew my hand,
      If it should give your age such cause of fear:
      In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.
LEONATO
      Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me:
      I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
65    As under privilege of age to brag
      What I have done being young, or what would do
      Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
      Thou hast so wrong'd mine innocent child and me
      That I am forced to lay my reverence by
70    And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,
      Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
      I say thou hast belied mine innocent child;
      Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
      And she lies buried with her ancestors;
75    O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,
      Save this of hers, framed by thy villany!
CLAUDIO
      My villany?
LEONATO
      Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.
DON PEDRO
      You say not right, old man.
LEONATO
80    My lord, my lord,
      I'll prove it on his body, if he dare,
      Despite his nice fence and his active practise,
      His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.
CLAUDIO
      Away! I will not have to do with you.
LEONATO
85    Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child:
      If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
ANTONIO
      He shall kill two of us, and men indeed:
      But that's no matter; let him kill one first;
      Win me and wear me; let him answer me.
90    Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me:
      Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence;
      Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.
LEONATO
      Brother,--
ANTONIO
      Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece;
95    And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains,
      That dare as well answer a man indeed
      As I dare take a serpent by the tongue:
      Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!
LEONATO
      Brother Antony,--
ANTONIO
100   Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,
      And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,--
      Scrambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys,
      That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,
      Go anticly, show outward hideousness,
105   And speak off half a dozen dangerous words,
      How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;
      And this is all.
LEONATO
      But, brother Antony,--
ANTONIO
      Come, 'tis no matter:
110   Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.
DON PEDRO
      Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
      My heart is sorry for your daughter's death:
      But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing
      But what was true and very full of proof.
LEONATO
115   My lord, my lord,--
DON PEDRO
      I will not hear you.
LEONATO
      No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard.
ANTONIO
      And shall, or some of us will smart for it.
Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO
DON PEDRO
      See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.
Enter BENEDICK
CLAUDIO
120   Now, signior, what news?
BENEDICK
      Good day, my lord.
DON PEDRO
      Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part
      almost a fray.
CLAUDIO
      We had like to have had our two noses snapped off
125   with two old men without teeth.
DON PEDRO
      Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had
      we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.
BENEDICK
      In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came
      to seek you both.
CLAUDIO
130   We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are
      high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten
      away. Wilt thou use thy wit?
BENEDICK
      It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?
DON PEDRO
      Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
CLAUDIO
135   Never any did so, though very many have been beside
      their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the
      minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.
DON PEDRO
      As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou
      sick, or angry?
CLAUDIO
140   What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat,
      thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.
BENEDICK
      Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you
      charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.
CLAUDIO
      Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was
145   broke cross.
DON PEDRO
      By this light, he changes more and more: I think
      he be angry indeed.
CLAUDIO
      If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
BENEDICK
      Shall I speak a word in your ear?
CLAUDIO
150   God bless me from a challenge!
BENEDICK
      (Aside to CLAUDIO) You are a villain; I jest not:
      I will make it good how you dare, with what you
      dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will
      protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet
155   lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me
      hear from you.
CLAUDIO
      Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
DON PEDRO
      What, a feast, a feast?
CLAUDIO
      I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's
160   head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most
      curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find
      a woodcock too?
BENEDICK
      Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.
DON PEDRO
      I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the
165   other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,'
      said she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I, 'a
      great wit:' 'Right,' says she, 'a great gross one.'
      'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit:' 'Just,' said she, 'it
      hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman
170   is wise:' 'Certain,' said she, 'a wise gentleman.'
      'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues:' 'That I
      believe,' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on
      Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning;
      there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus
175   did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular
      virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou
      wast the properest man in Italy.
CLAUDIO
      For the which she wept heartily and said she cared
      not.
DON PEDRO
180   Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she
      did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly:
      the old man's daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO
      All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was
      hid in the garden.
DON PEDRO
185   But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on
      the sensible Benedick's head?
CLAUDIO
      Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the
      married man'?
BENEDICK
      Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave
190   you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests
      as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked,
      hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank
      you: I must discontinue your company: your brother
      the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among
195   you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord
      Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till
      then, peace be with him.
Exit
DON PEDRO
      He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO
      In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for
200   the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO
      And hath challenged thee.
CLAUDIO
      Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO
      What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his
      doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!
CLAUDIO
205   He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a
      doctor to such a man.
DON PEDRO
      But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart, and
      be sad. Did he not say, my brother was fled?
Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO
DOGBERRY
      Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she
210   shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay,
      an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
DON PEDRO
      How now? two of my brother's men bound! Borachio
      one!
CLAUDIO
      Hearken after their offence, my lord.
DON PEDRO
215   Officers, what offence have these men done?
DOGBERRY
      Marry, sir, they have committed false report;
      moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily,
      they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have
      belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust
220   things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO
      First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I
      ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why
      they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay
      to their charge.
CLAUDIO
225   Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and, by
      my troth, there's one meaning well suited.
DON PEDRO
      Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus
      bound to your answer? this learned constable is
      too cunning to be understood: what's your offence?
BORACHIO
230   Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer:
      do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have
      deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms
      could not discover, these shallow fools have brought
      to light: who in the night overheard me confessing
235   to this man how Don John your brother incensed me
      to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into
      the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's
      garments, how you disgraced her, when you should
      marry her: my villany they have upon record; which
240   I had rather seal with my death than repeat over
      to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my
      master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire
      nothing but the reward of a villain.
DON PEDRO
      Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
CLAUDIO
245   I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.
DON PEDRO
      But did my brother set thee on to this?
BORACHIO
      Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it.
DON PEDRO
      He is composed and framed of treachery:
      And fled he is upon this villany.
CLAUDIO
250   Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear
      In the rare semblance that I loved it first.
DOGBERRY
      Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our
      sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter:
      and, masters, do not forget to specify, when time
255   and place shall serve, that I am an ass.
VERGES
      Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and the
      Sexton too.
Re-enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, with the Sexton
LEONATO
      Which is the villain? let me see his eyes,
      That, when I note another man like him,
260   I may avoid him: which of these is he?
BORACHIO
      If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO
      Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd
      Mine innocent child?
BORACHIO
      Yea, even I alone.
LEONATO
265   No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself:
      Here stand a pair of honourable men;
      A third is fled, that had a hand in it.
      I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death:
      Record it with your high and worthy deeds:
270   'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
CLAUDIO
      I know not how to pray your patience;
      Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself;
      Impose me to what penance your invention
      Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not
275   But in mistaking.
DON PEDRO
      By my soul, nor I:
      And yet, to satisfy this good old man,
      I would bend under any heavy weight
      That he'll enjoin me to.
LEONATO
280   I cannot bid you bid my daughter live;
      That were impossible: but, I pray you both,
      Possess the people in Messina here
      How innocent she died; and if your love
      Can labour ought in sad invention,
285   Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb
      And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night:
      To-morrow morning come you to my house,
      And since you could not be my son-in-law,
      Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter,
290   Almost the copy of my child that's dead,
      And she alone is heir to both of us:
      Give her the right you should have given her cousin,
      And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO
      O noble sir,
295   Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me!
      I do embrace your offer; and dispose
      For henceforth of poor Claudio.
LEONATO
      To-morrow then I will expect your coming;
      To-night I take my leave. This naughty man
300   Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
      Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong,
      Hired to it by your brother.
BORACHIO
      No, by my soul, she was not,
      Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
305   But always hath been just and virtuous
      In any thing that I do know by her.
DOGBERRY
      Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and
      black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call
      me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his
310   punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of
      one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear and
      a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's
      name, the which he hath used so long and never paid
      that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing
315   for God's sake: pray you, examine him upon that point.
LEONATO
      I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
DOGBERRY
      Your worship speaks like a most thankful and
      reverend youth; and I praise God for you.
LEONATO
      There's for thy pains.
DOGBERRY
320   God save the foundation!
LEONATO
      Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
DOGBERRY
      I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I
      beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the
      example of others. God keep your worship! I wish
325   your worship well; God restore you to health! I
      humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry
      meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour.
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
LEONATO
      Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO
      Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow.
DON PEDRO
330   We will not fail.
CLAUDIO
      To-night I'll mourn with Hero.
LEONATO
      (To the Watch) Bring you these fellows on. We'll
      talk with Margaret,
      How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
Exeunt, severally
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