TPTT The Merry Wives of Windsor: ACT III
Introduction
ACT I
ACT II
ACT III
SCENE I. A field near Frogmore.
SCENE II. A street.
SCENE III. A room in FORD'S house.
SCENE IV. A room in PAGE'S house.
SCENE V. A room in the Garter Inn.
ACT IV
ACT V
About the Play
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SCENE I. A field near Frogmore.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE
SIR HUGH EVANS
      I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,
      and friend Simple by your name, which way have you
      looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
SIMPLE
      Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every
5     way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town
      way.
SIR HUGH EVANS
      I most fehemently desire you you will also look that
      way.
SIMPLE
      I will, sir.
Exit
SIR HUGH EVANS
10    'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and
      trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have
      deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog
      his urinals about his knave's costard when I have
      good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!

Sings

15    To shallow rivers, to whose falls
      Melodious birds sings madrigals;
      There will we make our peds of roses,
      And a thousand fragrant posies.
      To shallow--
20    Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.

Sings

      Melodious birds sing madrigals--
      When as I sat in Pabylon--
      And a thousand vagram posies.
      To shallow &c.
Re-enter SIMPLE
SIMPLE
25    Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.
SIR HUGH EVANS
      He's welcome.

Sings

      To shallow rivers, to whose falls-
      Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
SIMPLE
      No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master
30    Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over
      the stile, this way.
SIR HUGH EVANS
      Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER
SHALLOW
      How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.
      Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student
35    from his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER
      (Aside) Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE
      'Save you, good Sir Hugh!
SIR HUGH EVANS
      'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
SHALLOW
      What, the sword and the word! do you study them
40    both, master parson?
PAGE
      And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this
      raw rheumatic day!
SIR HUGH EVANS
      There is reasons and causes for it.
PAGE
      We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.
SIR HUGH EVANS
45    Fery well: what is it?
PAGE
      Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
      having received wrong by some person, is at most
      odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you
      saw.
SHALLOW
50    I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never
      heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so
      wide of his own respect.
SIR HUGH EVANS
      What is he?
PAGE
      I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the
55    renowned French physician.
SIR HUGH EVANS
      Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as
      lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
PAGE
      Why?
SIR HUGH EVANS
      He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,
60    --and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you
      would desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGE
      I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
SHALLOW
      (Aside) O sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOW
      It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
65    here comes Doctor Caius.
Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY
PAGE
      Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.
SHALLOW
      So do you, good master doctor.
Host
      Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep
      their limbs whole and hack our English.
DOCTOR CAIUS
70    I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.
      Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
SIR HUGH EVANS
      (Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS) Pray you, use your patience:
      in good time.
DOCTOR CAIUS
      By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
SIR HUGH EVANS
75    (Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS) Pray you let us not be
      laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you
      in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.

Aloud

      I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb
      for missing your meetings and appointments.
DOCTOR CAIUS
80    Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I
      not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place
      I did appoint?
SIR HUGH EVANS
      As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the
      place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
85    the Garter.
Host
      Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
      soul-curer and body-curer!
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Ay, dat is very good; excellent.
Host
      Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
90    politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
      lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
      motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
      Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
      no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
95    thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
      deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
      places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
      whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
      their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
100   follow, follow, follow.
SHALLOW
      Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
SLENDER
      (Aside) O sweet Anne Page!
Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of
      us, ha, ha?
SIR HUGH EVANS
105   This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I
      desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog
      our prains together to be revenge on this same
      scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
DOCTOR CAIUS
      By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me
110   where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
SIR HUGH EVANS
      Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.
Exeunt
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